We want your dirty limericks!

Saint NIck
There was a fat guy named Saint Nick;
One night his wife took a faint lick.
Her plaint was, "Hey, dear,
There's taste of reindeer,
So please go scrub off that taint, quick!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Saint Paul Masquerade Ball
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt
And was fucked by a dog in the hall
Submitted by: Roy J
Sally's smell can't be hidden by powder.
The odor just gets even louder.
The boys, they do yell.
They tell her, 'You smell
Just like a bowl of fish chowder!'
Submitted by: Tia
Sam, Ham, Jam
There once was a pig named Sam
He really liked Ham
He loved Honey-Garlic
But he hated Farlic
Now he doesn't eat ham, he eats Jam
Submitted by: Hockey_Boy
San Francisco Disco
Back in the 70's in San Francisco,
There was a prestigious gay disco.
You could come to dance,
Then take off your pants,
And get ass-fucked with help from poppers and crisco.
Submitted by: Hello Konichiwa
There once was a woman named Sandy
Whose Internet chats made her randy
But she never feels down
When her husband leaves town
For she always finds cucumbers handy
Submitted by: Gazza
Santa said to sweet little Mandy
Your help would come in really handy
Did you know that my dick
Is a peppermint stick?
So come here and suck on my candy
Submitted by: Craig Nelson
Santa's North Pole
The department store Santa was burly,
His snowy-white beard was quite curly.
But they hauled him away,
When the guard heard him say,
'Want to see the North Pole, little girly?'
Submitted by: Johnny D
Screwed In Bude
There was a young woman from Bude
Who every so often got stewed.
Then, as she had planned,
She would walk down the strand,
In the hope that she'd get herself screwed.
Submitted by: Dixon Prix
The Sea Captain's Bride
The Sea Captain's young bride,
fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
that some of the eels,
had found a new dark place to hide.
Submitted by: Glenn
There once was a man from Seattle,
And every weekend hed skedaddle
To where its bucolic,
And there he would frolic
With whole Holstein herds of she cattle.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
The Septuagenarian
There once was a septuagenarian
Who married a maiden named Marion
Having on his meat fed
The bride to her groom said,
This is rather like dining on carrion.
Submitted by: MykeAq
Sex Pricing
There was a young hooker named Annie
Who's prices for sex were uncanny
A Buck For A Fuck
Fifty Cents For A Suck,
And a Dime For A Feel Of Her FANNY

Submitted by: Poopstain
Sexy Rexy
There was a king, Oedipus Rex,
Who married his mom and had sex.
He learned of his sin;
Now he’s an eponym
For a very well-known complex.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Shag a Cadaver
Said horny old Henry Von Kraver
When asked if he'd shag a cadaver,
"If she's pretty in form,
and the body's still warm,
you betcha I'd strip 'er and have 'er!"
Submitted by: Andrew Woodard
Sherlock Holmes
'Ah, lemon curd! I see you've got some
Now bend over!' said Holmes 'and put lots on'
'But, Holmes, I'm quite sore
Pray, what IS it for?'
'A lemon entry, my dear Watson'
Submitted by: philbobaggins
There once was a young girl named Carol,
Who doffed every stitch of apparel
And went to the arms shelf,
Where she pleasured herself
With a freshly oiled shotgun barrel.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Shotgun Wedding
It turns out it was not fun bedding
The girl, because now her slot's shedding
The placental matter,
And just nine months after
They married in a shotgun wedding.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Shrink Wrap
The therapist looks at his lap
And molds her hands as if to clap
Then moves each cupped hand
To surround his upped gland,
Close in and give him a 'shrink wrap.'
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Siamese Twins
There once were two Siamese twins
Connected all over their skins.
As hard as we tried
We couldn't decide
Where one stops and the other begins.
Submitted by: Tia
A Sick Hick
There once was a sick hick named Rick
Who liked to put shit on a stick.
The shit he did smear
On sheep far and near
And laughed as he fed them his dick.
Submitted by: Tia
There was a young man called dave,
Who dug up a prostitutes grave.
She was mouldy as shit,
and missing a tit,
But look at the money he saved
Submitted by: Adam Henderson
Smelly Shelly
There once was an old whore named Shelly
Whose cunt was appallingly smelly
But her bull-dyke friend Sue
Started sucking her slough
And ate sebum and KY jelly.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Smirking Pervert
There once was a pervert, caught lurking
Outside bedroom window and jerking
Off while his pet chimp,
The opposite of limp,
Had his post past the pervert's lips, smirking.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Snakes, Or A Python In His Pants
There was a young whore who would make
Advances to snake after snake.
She said, 'I'm so impecunious,
'My position is ruinous!
'I'll do it for what I can take.'
Submitted by: Dixon Prix
Socket Sex
A plug came upon a wall socket.
It would have no resistance to fuck it.
Afraid to have a kid,
You'd do what it did,
Wore a condom and that way didn't shock it.
Submitted by: Ken Tao
Spermin' Herman
There once was an old priest named Herman,
Who, when not deliv'ring a sermon
Had the choir boys squirmin'
On his scepter, firmin'
And into their fundaments spermin'.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
There is a soda 'jerk' named Bunky,
Who serves a sundae that is chunky.
And the frothy whipped cream
Is a true gourmets' dream.
Little do they know that it's spunky.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Sticky Moments
A leery young man from Cawsand
Thought stroking his todger was grand.
But he stared with distaste
At the hot, sticky paste,
That he found in the palm of his hand.
Submitted by: Dixon Prix
there was a gay fellow named Storm
who wanted so much to reform
but he lived by the bay
where everyone's gay
and so he was much in the norm
Submitted by: scribe of egypt
There once was a sexy young stripper, Whose crotch used to stink like a kipper; The men at the front, Used to sniff at her cunt, While those at the back used to whip her.
Submitted by: Stafford Shashoua
Stuffing Santa's Stocking
Santa's sex-life was something worth mocking,
'Til Viagra made it quite shocking.
Now he keeps for himself
A concubine elf
And has no trouble stuffing his stocking.
Submitted by: Johnny D
Susie Swallows, So They Say
Did Susie so fully ingest
The seamen of Haverfordwest,
That jolly jack tars
In Pembroke Dock bars,
Exploded her 34 chest?
Submitted by: Dixon Prix

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