We want your dirty limericks!

Maedchen from Munich
There once was a Maedchen from Munich,
Who one fine day parted her tunic
And said, 'Entschuldegung,
Sir, would you use your tongue
To give me a long, langsam poon lick?'
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Maid from Darjeeling
A pretty young maid from Darjeeling
Denied she had sexual feeling
Till a cynic called Boris
Lightly touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.
Submitted by: Tetenterre
Maid Marian and Robin Hood
Said Marian to Robin Hood,
Your super-tight tights look so good!
They clearly display
Your manhood's array
And your arrow's quivering wood!
Submitted by: Johnny D
A man called dave
there was a man called dave,
who dug up a protitutes grave,
she was mouldy as shit and
missing a tit but look at the money
he saved
Submitted by: KAT
A man called Mick
Once there was a man called mick,
Who liked sucking on dick,
Hours he'd spend,
With the men that he'd bend,
into giving his ass a lick.
Submitted by: A Rhymey Limey
Man From Algiers
There once was a man from Algiers
Who died 'cause he drank too much beers.
And his son and his wife
All cuaght up in the strife
Both drowned in a river of tears.
Submitted by: Tia
Man from Aran
A disengaged young man from Aran,
Found his metier in seafarin'.
After three years at sea,
He returns; all can see,
The mate's engagement ring he's wearin'.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A Man From Belfast
There once was a man from Belfast
Whose balls were made of brass
When he ran through the hether
His balls clanged together
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Submitted by: Ray Bix
A Man From Boston
There once was a man from Boston,
He was riding along in his Austin,
It was too low he found,
and his balls dragged the ground,
By the time he go home,
He had lost them!
Submitted by: Glenn
A Man From Boston
There once was a man from Boston,
He was riding along in his Austin,
It was too low he found,
and his balls dragged the ground,
By the time he go home,
He had lost them!
Submitted by: Glenn
Man From China
There once was a man from china
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock and,
Cut off his cock
and ended up with a vagina
Submitted by: Gaz
Man From De Moine
There once was a man from Des Moine
With worts all over his groin
His doctor's advice
Was to turn out the lights
When he'd fuck or 69
Submitted by: Tim
Man from Gstaad
There once was a man from Gstaad,
Who was unable to get hard.
He took a blue pill
And found a new thrill-
He can now hoist his own pet, hard.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
man from kent
There was an old man from kent
who spent the night in a tent
3 witches came by
and pissed in his eye
and sat on his knob till it bent
Submitted by: Hayden Scott
A Man From Kentucky
There once was a man from Kentucky
Who had a hairy chucky
He sat on the stairs
Raiking his hairs
and pulled out the ones that were mucky
Submitted by: Gaz
The Man from Madras
There once was a man from Madras
Who had two balls made of brass.
The both clanged together
In inclement weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Submitted by: jeff
Man from Montreux
A Montreux man said with gravity,
"My god, I believe depravity
Is afoot; all's not well--
You know how I can tell?
My dog is lodged in my can cavity."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A Man From Nantucket
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it.
Submitted by: Leonard
Man from Pawtucket
There once was a man from Pawtucket,
Gland clamped by a clam in Nantucket.
He cursed like an old tar
Clambered to Nan's clam bar,
Ex-clamatory, he: "Nan, shuck it!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A man from pawtucket
There was an old man from Pawtucket,
He ate all his food from a bucket,
His head couldn't fit in,
He chuckde it in the bin,
And to that he said, 'Fuck it!'
Submitted by: Ryu
Man from peru
There once was a man from peru
who fell asleep in his kanoo
he dreamed of venus
played with his penis
and woke up with a handfull of goo
Submitted by: ALI-G
A Man From Peru
There once was a man from Peru,
He fell asleep in his canoe,
While dreaming of Venus,
He played with his penis.
And woke up with a hand full of goo!
Submitted by: Glenn
The Man From Peru
There once was a man from Peru
Who loved taking naps in the nude
While dreaming of Venus
He played with his penis
And woke in a puddle of goo
Submitted by: Claus Traphobia
Man from Poughkipsie
There once was a man from poughkipsie
Who fingered the ass of a gypsy
When he got to the knuckle
He let out a chuckle
But the smell, it made him quite tipsy
Submitted by: Tim
Man From Rangoon
There once was a man from Rangoon
who was born 9 months too soon.
He didn't have the luck
to be born by a fuck.
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.
Submitted by: Jeremy aka Stretch
man from the cape
there once was aman from the cape,
who tried to bugger an ape.
the ape said 'you fool',
you've ruined your tool.
and knocked all my ass out of shape!
Submitted by: timbitz
The Man from the Cape
There once was a man from the Cape
Who buggered a Barbary Ape.
The ape said 'You fool!
You've got square tool!
And you've buggered me all out of shape!'
Submitted by: jeff
The Man From Tikrit
There Once Was A Man From Tikrit
Who Complained About Saddam In The Street
He Was Soon Whisked Away
And I'm Happy To Say
He No Longer Has A Tongue, Hands, Or Feet
Submitted by: Watban Matanek
A Man Named Clyde
There once was a man named Clyde,
who fell in an outhouse and died.
He had a brother who fell in another,
and they lay interred side by side.
Submitted by: Glenn
A man named Kazam
There once was a man named Kazam,
Who only had one diafram,
when sex came he got 'em,
used it as a condom,
and as for the gel he just used Pam
Submitted by: Sussex Addicts
A Man Named Mackay
There once was man named Mackay
who desperately needed a lay.
So one night on the rug
gave his pecker a tug
and painted the walls with his spray.
Submitted by: K-Tel
A man named McNass
I once knew a man named McNass,
His balls were made out of brass,
When the two hit together,
It caused stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass!
Submitted by: Glenn
A Man Named Rupe
There once was a man named Rupe
who let out with an awful whoop
when the hair on his chin
got kinda mixed in
with the noodles he ate in his soup.
Submitted by: Kurt
Man named Trebek
There once was a man named Trebek.
Who had the world's tiniest prick.
I slept with his mom,
I shot out some cum
And she said that my penis is mightier.
Submitted by: Paul is Dead
a man of brigton
There was a man of Brigton
Who said to his lass it´s a tight one
She said it´s a farce
You´re shagging my arse
Look at your knob there´s shite on
Submitted by: bruno
The Man of Calcutta
There was a man of calcutta
who was shagging his tart in the gutter
the tropical sun
beat down on his bum
and turned his cum into butter
Submitted by: Bruno
There was a young gal named Maria
Who ate tacos on a tortilla
When she went to town
Her legs sure looked brown
But it was just last night's diarrhea
Submitted by: Hugh G. Rection
There once was a girl named Marlene,
Who sat on a dick and started twirling.
She gave a big spurt
and fell in the dirt,
and now her cunt hair grows sparsely.
Submitted by: Wiggy
The master
There once was a guy named Fuckemfaster
Who did his best to outlast her.
But much as he tried
She only just sighed For Suzie
Blowsenfux is simply the master.
Submitted by: dearlg1
The Mathematician
There once was a fellow named Horatio
Who really loved the act of fellatio
A major in arithmetic
He knew one mouth and one dick
Would come out to be the perfect ratio
Submitted by: Red Ant
A Mathematician Named Gall
A mathematician named Gall
Had a triangular ball.
He found that its weight
Less his pecker times eight
Was a half of three fifths of fuck all.
Submitted by: AjanDick
A TV weatherman named Joe
Had under his desk a pal, Moe,
Exerting high pressure
On Joe’s pleasure center;
On the tube Joe forecast a blow.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Memphis Dentist
There once was a young girl from Memphis,
Who sat in the chair of her dentist.
But instead of her teeth,
His hand went for her sheath,
And into it he jammed his clenched fist.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
So now what is Weiner to do?
He's left the Congressional crew
For tweeting his meat
To a sweetie he'd meet.
I think he's meshugge, don't you?
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Victoria said, "It is my reign,"
To Albert, whose knee caused her thigh pain.
She said, "Not tonight, Al;
Next day, perhaps I shall.
But now I’ve got a fucking migraine!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry
There once was a bounder named Mike
Who never said what side he liked
Was doing her fun?
Would he rather get done?
So we all told him: Go take a hike.
Submitted by: Roderik Horn
Mike from Nantucket- Happy 50th
There once was Mike from Nantucket,
Who sailed to New York, in a bucket.
When he got there,
they asked for his fare,
So he whipped out his dick and said, "SUCK IT!"
Submitted by: JON
Mincing Vince
There once was a young man named Vince,
Who found one day he could evince
His true self, once locked in,
So he tucked his cock in,
Donned a dress, and started to mince.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
there was a young man from Calcutta,
who was having a wank in the gutter
A woman walked by and got spunk in her eye,
And Wwwmmmmm Country Life butter!
Submitted by: Rachael Hemmings
Miss Greedy
This lesson was learned by Miss Greedy
Who wore her shoplifted bikini.
She heard a loud pop,
And off came her top
And had nothing on in betweenie!
Submitted by: Ulrike (Ricki) Thompson
Morning Glory
Getting up early is easy
now that my plumbing's gone cheesy.
I simply am gladder
to empty my bladder
that to sit amidst aromas breezy.
Submitted by: T. Robert Torkildson
There once was a man named Andy,
He loved it when the boys called him a dandy,
He went to the store,
To become a whore,
Now all the boys call him mandy
Submitted by: Travis Joel Fontaine
I was having a wonderful night,
Till I happened to visit this site.
I am sorry to say,
That in more than one way,
Your rhymes are a terrible fright.
Submitted by: Mike Painter
There was a young man from Glenosil
Who unearthed a remarkable fossil.
He could tell by the bend
And the wart on the end
Twas the peter of Paul the apostle
Submitted by: Rick Lonnen
i once knew a dude named Enix
who said he had a big pEnix
so i pulled down his pants
and saw his little ants
and laughed my @$$ off to pheonix
Submitted by: jA-Qu-Zii AllStR
there once was a man from Lass
Who had balls made out of glass
one day during stormy weather
his balls they did clank together
and sparks flew out of his ass
Submitted by: Matt
Mr. Higgins
There once was a guy, Mr. Higgins
This guy had some balls, they were big'ns
And he'll be so surprised
When he reads my scant lines
Cause he thinks that I only write clean ones!
Submitted by: Royce
Mr. Molecker
There once was a Mr. Molecker
Who liked to have sex double-decker.
The son of a dunce
Tried to do both at once.
All he got was a kink in his pecker.
Submitted by: Tia
Mrs. LaRouche
On one spring day, Mrs. LaRouche
Drove so fast, all you heard was 'whoosh'
When the cop said, 'Well,
What's with that foul smell?'
She explained she'd forgotten to douche
Submitted by: Hugh G. Rection
Much Mushrooms
There once was a gnome known as Flushgroom
Who married a toadstool named Brushbloom
When they got together
So fine was the weather
They hatched a whole forest of mushrooms
Submitted by: Royce
Muffin Man
There once was a guy who ate muffins
He said 'Those sweet things are for stuffin''
When he asked 'Do you shave?'
I said, 'You naughty nave
They don't call me Rapunzel for nothin'!!!
Submitted by: Royce
There was a young fellow named Munch
Who liked to eat women a bunch
He grabbed a girl's tush
His tongue touched her bush
He covered her lap with his lunch.
Submitted by: Nathan
Musty Dusty
There once was a woman named Dusty,
And she was incredibly busty.
Not much room between 'em
And thus, hard to clean 'em.
So her cleavage smelled kind of musty.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
My 11'er
I do have 11, no word of lie.
And still a virgin at age 25.
I don't know what to do.
I am getting so blue.
I'm tired of beating each night.
Submitted by: 11 Incher
My Chemical Romance
There once was a band from New Jersey,
And the lead singer said he was thirsty,
He pulled out a glass
And came in it fast,
And said how many pints is that, THIRTY!!!
Submitted by: Craig Sparks
My Loving Wife
My wife wife could be quite a grumpkin,
our love life was in a slumpkin.
I told her she's lame,
she wouldn't take the blame,
she promptly dealt me a blumkpin.
Submitted by: Team Dirty Sanchez
My Pa
One Night While All The Stars Were Lit,
My Pa Went Out To Stroll A Bit,
When He Got Home Ma Had A Fit
The Stars Was Gone But Pa Was Lit.
Submitted by: Garr Norick
My Perfect Woman
there was a young woman from matio
who was skilled in deep throat fellatio
she married a midget
and he stood on a widget
and her throat to dick height was in ratio

Submitted by: malcolm higgins
My Scrotum
I scanned a picture of my scrotum
And sent it by way of my modem
And when someone calls
'How big are your balls?'
I can say for sure that I showed 'em
Submitted by: Hugh G. Rection

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