Tale of Tails There once was a man they called Ray.
Who was a weird sort o' gay.
He kissed Mr. John Lick
In front o' the public
And was embarrassed the rest o' the day. Submitted by: Dyslexic diK | Tate There once was a boy named Tate,
Who met an unusual fate.
His good neighbor Hannibal,
Was a starving cannibal,
And tate ended up on a plate.
Submitted by: space orange |
Tea Time There once was a young girl who'd dump
In her tea, the sweet stuff, one lump
As much as tea sugared
She loved to be buggered
By unc.'s plump hunk, spunk pumped up rump.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Ted There once was a fellow named Ted
Who was so pathetic in bed
His inflatable doll
He can't use at all
'Cause it used a vibrator instead Submitted by: Gazza |
Terry There once was a man name of Terry
Whose pecker was big, fat and scary
But the women he'd meet
Would give up in defeat
For Terry, it seems, was a fairy Submitted by: Leo Keough | There once was a boy from Watt There once was young man from watt,
who took a young lady out on a yacht.
To lazy to rape her,
he made planes of paper
and threw them at her twat! Submitted by: SnpBoy@AOL.com |
There once was a girl from Aberystwyth There once was a girl from Aberystwyth
who took grain to the mill to get grist with
but the Miller's son, Jack
laid her flat on her back
and united the organs they pissed with. Submitted by: Donnie | There Once was a girl from Rio There once was a girl from Rio
Who dated a virtuoso named Cleo.
As she took down her panties
she said "No Andantes.
I want this ALLEGRO CON BRIO!" Submitted by: Donnie |
There once was a man from Australia There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his arse with an azalea
It was all very well
To give a smell
But $5 a lick was a failure Submitted by: YASMR | There once was a man from New York There once was a man from New York
Whose wife once molested the stork.
An erection so mild
Left no hope for a child
So she held up the bird with a fork. Submitted by: Tia |
There Once Was A Man From Spain there once was a man from spain
who lived in a smelly old drain
along came a rat
who ate up his hat
so now he gets wet in the rain Submitted by: Mark Edwards | There Once Was a Man Named Bill There once was a man named Bill,
Who's job was to work at the mill.
He was grinding the grain,
But then felt a sharp pain,
So now during sex Bill's no thrill. Submitted by: Darylynn |
There once was a villian so fierce There once was a villian so fierce
He tied a girl to the tracks as he sneared
He tied her up wrongways
Not sideways but long-ways
And a forty-car train disapeared Submitted by: Brian | There once was an old man named Herman There once was an old man named Herman
who spoke very excellent German.
For the price of a dollar
he'd don a white collar
and deliver a great German sermon. Submitted by: gene |
There Was A Fat Chick Who Was Heinous there was a fat chick who was heinous
her pussy was purple and veinous
as I saw I did grunt,
I said not in your cunt
so flip over I'll re-route your anus
Submitted by: Malcolm Higgins | There was a man named Domingo There was a man named Domingo,
Who fancied sex with a flamingo
Upon reaching his goal, of finding it's pink hole,
He was heard to cry, Bingo! Submitted by: Snart |
There was a young lady called Thickett There was a young lady called Thickett,
Who used to love playing cricket;
The reason for this,
She could have a good piss,
As she squatted whilst keeping wicket. Submitted by: Stafford Shashoua | There was a young lady from Tottenham There was a young lady from Tottenham
Who'd no manners, or else she'd forgotten 'em
At tea at the vicar's
She tore off her knickers
Because, she explained, she felt hot in 'em Submitted by: Phil Alexander |
There was a young lady named Dot There was a young lady named Dot
Who lived on pig shit and snot
When she couldn't get these
She'd eat the green cheese
That she scraped from the sides of her twat Submitted by: Bill | there was an old man from wick there was an old man from wick
who had an emormous dick
it was 10ft long
and sang a song
everytime he had a shit Submitted by: kaoskaylez |
There Was An Old Man... there was an old man full of luck
especially when he did fuck
till some cocksucking sweetie
bit off all his meatie
and now the old fuck's out of luck Submitted by: Sloatead | This 'there Once' Business Tell me, who is it we all get to thank?
There's a writer who deserves a good spank!
For he convinced every hick,
That writing up a limerick
Starts with 'There once was a blankety blank!' Submitted by: Sarcastic Submitter |
This shit This shit between Malcolm and Lou
Leaves me nothing much better to do
Than write all this shit
Then after a bit
I go back to the Amiright crew
Submitted by: Bobo | those fucking stupid shampoo girls There once were some girls called shampoo
They would probably make fun of you
They were so mean
And not very keen
And they like really ugly faggots too
Submitted by: bluglitter |
Tienes Hambre? Con verga muy grande, un hombre
Pregunta un chica: "¿Su nombre?"
Dice: "Es Aida.
¿Te gusta comida?
Me gustas si tienes hambre."
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Tiny Gherkin There once was a man who was lurkin'
Outside of his doghouse and jerkin'.
Then when Fido egressed,
The man said, I am blessed. . .
Fucked the mutt with his tiny gherkin.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Tonto A nostalgia fan from Toronto,
Watched his favorite show at 5:00, pronto.
"William Tell Overture"
Engendered thoughts impure
And daydreams of buggering Tonto.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Too Short There once was a lad from the Stix
Who thghout he could write Limericks
But he falied at the sport
Because he wrote them too short Submitted by: Josh 2 |
Trans Veggie There once was a veggie, zucchini
Who somehow lost sight of his weanie
And he said to the corn
On a bright summer morn
'I think I've become a green beanie' Submitted by: Trans Veggie | Trawler Nightcrawler A man out on a fishing trawler
Grabbed what he thought was a nightcrawler
And pierced it with a hook;
With a double-take look
He saw what made the captain holler.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Trip to Zurich A Swiss hick hitched a trip to Zurich
And dipped his dick in an impure bitch.
While it was inflected
Up, it got infected.
Now when he pisses, it does sure itch.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | True New York Dork There once was a young rep from New York;
The pundits and his pals blew a cork
At his peccadillos,
Like his pecker billows.
There’s no doubt: this guy's a true dork. Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Two Penises A man with two penises said,
'I wish I could find me some head,
From two girls conjoined
Somewhere 'bove their loins
Who work as a tag-team in bed.' Submitted by: Johnny D | Two Women Named Fred There once were two women named Fred
Whose vaginas were stuck at the head
Gave one to the other
Orgasms to shudder
Until they were rotten and dead Submitted by: Matthwala Quincy Ishmael (?) |
Tête-à-Tête They finished their final toilette—
Louis and Marie Antoinette.
They first took a tumbrel
And then took a tumble
In a fashion called tête-à-tête.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
