Can't Wait I just can't wait til you're back
from your much-too-long tour in Iraq
I'll be waiting right here
with my cute little rear
my ruby lips and my rack!
Submitted by: A Serviceman's Wife | Carry Me There was an old man from Laramie,
Who asked a young woman, 'Marry me!
I've got lots of money,
But there's one thing, honey:
O'er the threshold YOU must carry ME!'
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Castor Oil A large Canuck trapper of otter
Spent months in the wild, near the water,
When his pelt-count was high,
He would then trap fur pie:
The beaver of his comely daughter.
* * *
His hormones then started to boil,
His big dick, it started to roil.
He fucked her with vigor,
Injecting a jigger.
He winked and called it "castor oil."
Submitted by: John A. Barry | A Cat named Cali. We once had a cat named Cali,
who used just love to play with Sally,
she said to the cat,
what are doing on my back,
and all Cali would do is meow. Submitted by: J.D. Somner |
Catherine the Great The Russian queen Catherine the Great
Rushed to lean on the corral gate.
She summoned her lover
Who reared up above her
Then bucked at a furious rate.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cheeky The lord's valet was rather sneaky;
Each morning, the lord's arse was leaky.
At last he suspected
That he’d been injected—
'I say! The lad’s been a bit cheeky.'
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Christmas Limerick Santa was packing his sleigh
To bring all the toys Christmas Day.
But he felt a big schwing
On his jolly red thing
And with his reindeer, he hammered away.
Submitted by: John Jangle Jenkenheimer Schmidt | Cleveland Steamer Chrissy was a world class whore,
for 5 bucks she'd promise you'd score,
on your chest she would crap
a dookie laced with the clap,
you'd wished you never opened the door!. Submitted by: Team Dirty Sanchez |
College Students part 1 College students do drink too much booze.
One day their own license they'll lose.
But, oh, what the hay,
It's better that way.
It's each our own path that we choose. Submitted by: Tia | College Students part 2 College students do drink too much beer.
It is bad for their livers, I fear.
They'll croak and they'll die
Without knowing why.
To rot one's own organs, it's queer. Submitted by: Tia |
Comedian Santa said to sweet little Mandy
Your help would come in really handy
Did you know that my dick
Is a peppermint stick?
So come here and suck on my candy Submitted by: Craig Nelson | Comedian A buttman who lived in Regina
Was dating a young girl from China
For weeks and for weeks
He just played with her cheeks
and completely ignored her vagina
Submitted by: Craig Nelson |
Condi There once was a bull dyke named Condi,
Who said to a schoolgirl, "Get on me
And plunge your young tongue
In my cunt and my bung,
And I'll rim your quim, fringed with blondie."
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Conniption Clit The doc of a nympho Egyptian
Said to her, "Here is my prescription:
Land a man who has fits,
Clamp him close to your clit,
Then hope that he has a conniption."
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cooz She was known for swallowing spooge
Loads that were small or were huge
She let out a gasp
As cooz gushed out his asp
These boys sure delivered a deluge.
Submitted by: Greg and Dave | Cranky Yankee There once was a hard-bitten Yankee,
Who was aloof, stubborn, and cranky.
His house was a mess,
And his son wore a dress,
And his daughter and wife were damned skanky.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
The Cuckold Au jour, adieu; c’est, tant pis, soir.
Le cocut demeure dans le noir.
A son oncle, neveu dit:
"Il faut uriner, vite!"
Mais il baise sa tante au pissoir.
* * *
Night darkens the day; hear uncle grouse.
This cuckold is blind to his dunked spouse.
His nephew's piquant hiss:
"I must dismiss some piss!"
In fact, he piques aunt in the outhouse.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 1 There’s a cunnilinguist named Ed,
Whose tongue once every month is red
’cause it laps at the thatch
Of his gal’s sanguine snatch,
Right after it’s profusely bled.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 10 There's a cunnilinguist named Pete,
Who loves to genuflect and eat.
He once ran the hundred;
Tongue runs now get cunts stirred
In what he jokes is a "crack meet."
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 11 There's a cunnilinguist named Leach,
Whose tongue has a very long reach.
This lingual utensil
Is nearly prehensile. . .
Orgasms from organ of speech.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 12 There's a cunnilinguist named Leach,
Who turned up his nose at a peach.
That's because this diner
Eats greasy vagina.
"I'll have a snatch snack," he'll beseech.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 13 There's a cunnilinguist named Jack,
Whose tube-like tongue's found in a crack.
But the juice from the sluice
Sometimes makes it slip loose
And slide where it's puce--in the back.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 14 There's a cunnilinguist named Drake,
Whose tongue's sinuous, like a snake.
In slithers the serpent,
Whose slurpin' gets her spent.
Sibilant shrieks, climax--not fake. Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 15 There's a cunnilinguist named Jim,
And his mustache has a neat trim.
A stache that is bushy
Get tangled in pussy
Fur that skims the rim of the quim. Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 16 There's a cunnilinguist named Ron,
Who pleasures his girlfriend named Dawn.
Not until she has come
Is his tonguing task done,
After which, the organ's withdrawn.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 2 There’s a cunnilinguist named Dave,
Who likes to get down there and lave
His babe’s inundation. . .
Clean her menstruation.
Mouth agape, he waits for a wave.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 3 There’s a cunnilinguist named Frank,
Who loves to go down on a skank.
His friends are repulsed
When he tells them, “She pulsed,
And avariciously I drank.”
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 4 There’s a cunnilinguist named Frank,
Who loves to go down on a skank.
Although he admits
When he gags on rag bits,
The taste sensation's rather rank.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 5 There’s a cunnilinguist named Norm,
Who’s hot for the vaginal form.
Where he lives, it’s so cold,
A tongue sticks to a pole.
He thus keeps his speech organ warm.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 6 There’s a cunnilinguist named Bob,
Who doesn’t like sticking his knob
Into his girlfriend’s gulf--
He would much rather gulp
While she watches his big head bob.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 7 There’s a cunnilinguist named Bob,
Who gives his girl a sluice-splay job,
But he slurps during lunch,
And she has a slight hunch
That slaverin’ Bob is a slob.
Submitted by: John A. Barry | Cunnilinguist 8 There’s a cunnilinguist named Paul,
Who goes down on gals but don’t ball.
He speaks with a full mouth,
Like some hick from the South.
His bad eating habits appall.
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
Cunnilinguist 9 There's a cunnilinguist named Walt,
Tongue torqued in a vaginal vault.
The guy is fixated
On getting chicks sated.
Gals call: "Oy gevalt, Walt, don't halt!!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry |
