We want your dirty limericks!

Calandra Godmother
The big tough godmother of Calandra
Always went out with her bulletproof bra
Butt shot by a pistoler
Tore ass through to fistula
Now she sits kind of odd in her bulletproof car
Submitted by: Ken Tao
Can't Wait
I just can't wait til you're back
from your much-too-long tour in Iraq
I'll be waiting right here
with my cute little rear
my ruby lips and my rack!
Submitted by: A Serviceman's Wife
Carole
I know a young lady called Carole,
Who sells her well worn apparel;
Her stockings and bras
Go to Michael and Lars
But she sends her soiled panties to Darrell.
Submitted by: Stafford Shashoua
Carole Platt
As a girl, Carole loved to do tricks, Rubbing and wanking all the boys' dicks; As she got older, She grew even bolder, And sucked off loads of mens' pricks.
Submitted by: Stafford Shashoua
Carole Platt
A teenager called Carole Platt,
Was known for her tasty young twat,
Boys lined up at the door
Of this sexy young whore,
Saying " Carole's cunt's where it's at!"
Submitted by: Stafford Shashoua
Carry Me
There was an old man from Laramie,
Who asked a young woman, 'Marry me!
I've got lots of money,
But there's one thing, honey:
O'er the threshold YOU must carry ME!'
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Castor Oil
A large Canuck trapper of otter
Spent months in the wild, near the water,
When his pelt-count was high,
He would then trap fur pie:
The beaver of his comely daughter.
* * *
His hormones then started to boil,
His big dick, it started to roil.
He fucked her with vigor,
Injecting a jigger.
He winked and called it "castor oil."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A Cat named Cali.
We once had a cat named Cali,
who used just love to play with Sally,
she said to the cat,
what are doing on my back,
and all Cali would do is meow.
Submitted by: J.D. Somner
Catherine the Great
The Russian queen Catherine the Great
Rushed to lean on the corral gate.
She summoned her lover
Who reared up above her
Then bucked at a furious rate.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cheeky
The lord's valet was rather sneaky;
Each morning, the lord's arse was leaky.
At last he suspected
That he’d been injected—
'I say! The lad’s been a bit cheeky.'
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Chris
There once was a lady named Chris
Who had trouble when taking a piss
She hosed on the floor
And all over the door
Wherever she pissed, she missed
Submitted by: Leo Keough
Christmas Limerick
Santa was packing his sleigh
To bring all the toys Christmas Day.
But he felt a big schwing
On his jolly red thing
And with his reindeer, he hammered away.
Submitted by: John Jangle Jenkenheimer Schmidt
Cleveland Steamer
Chrissy was a world class whore,
for 5 bucks she'd promise you'd score,
on your chest she would crap
a dookie laced with the clap,
you'd wished you never opened the door!.
Submitted by: Team Dirty Sanchez
College Students part 1
College students do drink too much booze.
One day their own license they'll lose.
But, oh, what the hay,
It's better that way.
It's each our own path that we choose.
Submitted by: Tia
College Students part 2
College students do drink too much beer.
It is bad for their livers, I fear.
They'll croak and they'll die
Without knowing why.
To rot one's own organs, it's queer.
Submitted by: Tia
Comedian
Santa said to sweet little Mandy
Your help would come in really handy
Did you know that my dick
Is a peppermint stick?
So come here and suck on my candy
Submitted by: Craig Nelson
Comedian
A buttman who lived in Regina
Was dating a young girl from China
For weeks and for weeks
He just played with her cheeks
and completely ignored her vagina
Submitted by: Craig Nelson
Compass Penis
I know a man, he never loses his direction. When he faces north he gets an erection. But when he faces south, He ass-fucks himself. He lives at the south pole, explaining his pale complexion.
Submitted by: Hello Konichiwa
Condi
There once was a bull dyke named Condi,
Who said to a schoolgirl, "Get on me
And plunge your young tongue
In my cunt and my bung,
And I'll rim your quim, fringed with blondie."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Conniption Clit
The doc of a nympho Egyptian
Said to her, "Here is my prescription:
Land a man who has fits,
Clamp him close to your clit,
Then hope that he has a conniption."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cooz
She was known for swallowing spooge
Loads that were small or were huge
She let out a gasp
As cooz gushed out his asp
These boys sure delivered a deluge.

Submitted by: Greg and Dave
Couple From Odelli
There once was a couple from Odelli
Who stuck themselves belly to belly
Because in their haste they used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly
Submitted by: Clay Cook
A couple of Whores
There once were a couple of whores
Whose cunts were all covered with sores
As they strolled down the street
The dogs snapped at the green meat
That hung in festoons from their drawers.
Submitted by: Pete
Cranky Yankee
There once was a hard-bitten Yankee,
Who was aloof, stubborn, and cranky.
His house was a mess,
And his son wore a dress,
And his daughter and wife were damned skanky.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Crying Game
A theater troop who was gay.
Re-wrote "Crying Game" as a play.
Now the dude won't get sick
When the chick sports a dick
He just shouts, "Must be my lucky day!"
Submitted by: Anonymous
The Cuckold
Au jour, adieu; c'est, tant pis, soir.
Le cocut demeure dans le noir.
A son oncle, neveu dit:
"Il faut uriner, vite!"
Mais il baise sa tante au pissoir.
* * *
Night darkens the day; hear uncle grouse.
This cuckold is blind to his dunked spouse.
His nephew's piquant hiss:
"I must dismiss some piss!"
In fact, he piques aunt in the outhouse.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 1
There’s a cunnilinguist named Ed,
Whose tongue once every month is red
’cause it laps at the thatch
Of his gal’s sanguine snatch,
Right after it’s profusely bled.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 10
There's a cunnilinguist named Pete,
Who loves to genuflect and eat.
He once ran the hundred;
Tongue runs now get cunts stirred
In what he jokes is a "crack meet."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 11
There's a cunnilinguist named Leach,
Whose tongue has a very long reach.
This lingual utensil
Is nearly prehensile. . .
Orgasms from organ of speech.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 12
There's a cunnilinguist named Leach,
Who turned up his nose at a peach.
That's because this diner
Eats greasy vagina.
"I'll have a snatch snack," he'll beseech.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 13
There's a cunnilinguist named Jack,
Whose tube-like tongue's found in a crack.
But the juice from the sluice
Sometimes makes it slip loose
And slide where it's puce--in the back.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 14
There's a cunnilinguist named Drake,
Whose tongue's sinuous, like a snake.
In slithers the serpent,
Whose slurpin' gets her spent.
Sibilant shrieks, climax--not fake.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 15
There's a cunnilinguist named Jim,
And his mustache has a neat trim.
A stache that is bushy
Get tangled in pussy
Fur that skims the rim of the quim.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 16
There's a cunnilinguist named Ron,
Who pleasures his girlfriend named Dawn.
Not until she has come
Is his tonguing task done,
After which, the organ's withdrawn.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 17
There's a cunnilinguist named Al,
Whose tongue, when it is unleashed shall
Start to making inroads
Up where go many chodes:
Commodius hole of a gal.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 18
There's a cunnilinguist named Marv,
And it isn't viands he'll carve
With tongue—there's none finer
To whet a vagina.
Marv has never been known to starve.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 19
There's a cunnilinguist named George,
Whose fervid forefinger would forge
Into his girlfriend's twat.
After that got her hot,
He bored his tongue into her gorge.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 2
There’s a cunnilinguist named Dave,
Who likes to get down there and lave
His babe’s inundation. . .
Clean her menstruation.
Mouth agape, he waits for a wave.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 20
There's a cunnilinguist named Phil,
Who has a tongue like a duck's bill.
And sometimes he quacks
When it flies inside cracks.
He'll fill 'em and give a trill thrill.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 21
There's a cunnilinguist named Ruben,
Who gets his girl hot till she's lubin',
With a fine finger frig,
And then he shapes his big
Tongue like a piece of rubber tubin'.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 22
There's a cunnilinguist named Kit,
And he gets her set with his mitt,
So when she is ready,
He lowers his head; she
Grabs his ears and pulls toward her clit.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 23
There's a cunnilinguist named Kit,
And he gets her set with his mitt,
So when she's hot to trot,
His mouth enters her slot
And sucks like a vac on her clit.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 24
There's a cunnilinguist named Roger,
And even though he is a codger,
He does not suck or gum
To make his young wife come.
In her tunnel, his tongue's a lodger.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 25
There's a cunnilinguist named Dick,
Who likes to go down on his Chick.
But he can't get his tongue
Past her clit, and he's glum,
Because it's incredibly thick.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 26
There's a cunnilinguist named Dick,
Who likes to go down on his Chick.
The guy is voracious,
Aided by sebaceous
Secretions his calls the "oil slick."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 27
There's a cunnilinguist named Dick,
Who likes to go down on his Chick.
The guy is voracious,
Aided by sebaceous
Secretions his calls the "oil slick."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 3
There’s a cunnilinguist named Frank,
Who loves to go down on a skank.
His friends are repulsed
When he tells them, “She pulsed,
And avariciously I drank.”
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 4
There’s a cunnilinguist named Frank,
Who loves to go down on a skank.
Although he admits
When he gags on rag bits,
The taste sensation's rather rank.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 5
There’s a cunnilinguist named Norm,
Who’s hot for the vaginal form.
Where he lives, it’s so cold,
A tongue sticks to a pole.
He thus keeps his speech organ warm.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 6
There’s a cunnilinguist named Bob,
Who doesn’t like sticking his knob
Into his girlfriend’s gulf--
He would much rather gulp
While she watches his big head bob.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 7
There’s a cunnilinguist named Bob,
Who gives his girl a sluice-splay job,
But he slurps during lunch,
And she has a slight hunch
That slaverin’ Bob is a slob.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 8
There’s a cunnilinguist named Paul,
Who goes down on gals but don’t ball.
He speaks with a full mouth,
Like some hick from the South.
His bad eating habits appall.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Cunnilinguist 9
There's a cunnilinguist named Walt,
Tongue torqued in a vaginal vault.
The guy is fixated
On getting chicks sated.
Gals call: "Oy gevalt, Walt, don't halt!!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry

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