We want your dirty limericks!

bad limerick
Sometimes it makes me sick
that every guy seems to think with his dick
they're always farting in bed
and begging for head
and won't go down on us for a good lick
Submitted by: ashley
Bar > Bat Mitzvah
A mohel bent to clip at a bris,
But he slipped and it went amiss.
He said, "The bar mitzvah
Will be a bat mitzvah,
Because I just made him a miss."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Bartender named Tim
There was a bartender named Tim,
And he had incredible vim
As well as vigor--
Jigger after jigger
He poured, without pause, in her quim.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Bator Blocker
There once was a young man named Walker,
Who confessed one day to his doctor:
"Too often I jerk it."
Doc said, "This will work--it
Is what I call a ‘’bator blocker.’"
Submitted by: John A. Barry
The Battle of Lou/Higgins
Well, There is Higgins,
Then there is Louie.
They both hate each other,
Cuz' of some parodies.
Battle of Lou/Higgins.
Submitted by: S.T.G.
Beat the Meatles
By tweeting, Weiner was undone;
He thought that he was having fun
A fan of the Fab Four. . .
His fave tune that they bore
Was "Happiness Is a Warm Gun."
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Better place to eat
I once knew this well hung coal miner
Who said to his wife lets eat out at the diner
But she replied OH NO HONEY
Lets save our money
Cause i'd rather go sixty-niner
Submitted by: Larry Stewart
Bigger Than Serengeti
There lived a guy in Cincinnati
Whose dick was as long as spaghetti
But it wasn't thin
Cause when it went in
'Twas bigger than yon Serengeti!
Submitted by: Royce
Billy's Fart
Big Billy once cut a huge fart.
The sound was way off the chart.
The blast was so long
And awfully strong
That it blew the poor boy apart.
Submitted by: Tia
there was a young lady called pitts
who was known far and wide for her bits
then one day at the vickers
she took off her knickers
and flashed her magnificent tits
Submitted by: the only living boy in new york
In days of old,
when knights were bold,
and rubbers hadn't been invented,
a sock around the cock,
and babys were prevented.
Submitted by: sick-o
Blowing the Fife
A woodwind musican named Phyffe
Wed a know-no-vibrato wife.
She asked, "What's my duty
When I've said, 'I do'?" He
Then taught her how to blow his fife.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
There once was a man from Iran
Who would only have sex on the can
He flushed when he finished
But the chances diminished
That he'd see each woman again
Submitted by: Tim
I once knew this guy named Bob
Who had an unusual job.
He shot people dead,
Square in the head,
And that's 'cause he worked with the mob.
Submitted by: space orange
Bob the Burg'lar
There once was a burg'lar named Bob
Who loved finding markets to rob
But his crime spree was tripped
When his asshole was ripped
By an oversized corn-on-the-cob
Submitted by: Leo Keough
There was a Kapellmeister, Boris,
Who led a private girls' school chorus.
He was a castrato;
To effect vibrato,
He'd trill his tongue on each clitoris.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A frigid young lass from Darjeeling
Denied she had sexual feeling
Till a cynic called Boris
Just touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling
Submitted by: Stevie T
Boston Mass
there once was a man from boston mass
whose balls were made of brass
when he hit them together
it made stormy weather
and lightning shot out of his ass
Submitted by: tony miele
Boston Tea Party
There once was a person from Boston,
Who found the town fine to get lost in.
At the Tea Party Ship,
He gave too much lip,
So along with the tea, he was tossed in.
Submitted by: Johnny D
A boy from Taiwan
There once was a boy from Taiwan
Who wore a silky red thong
He fell on his back
And it went up his crack
So now he sings a high-pitched song
Submitted by: YASMR
Boys and Girls
The boys and girls would chatter
With words and whispers and laughter
But only did they know
They when they talked about each other so,
They never did it after.
Submitted by: Jena
Brains up His ASS
John is a guy we all know
He is dumb but he won't let it show
When he tries to be smart
His ass cuts a fart
'Cause brains are located BELOW!
Submitted by: Steve Wharton
When little, I thought girls were pests,
'Til they started developing breasts.
As their forms rearranged,
My opinions soon changed,
And I now enjoy watching their chests.
Submitted by: Chris
Brent Done Right
There once was a man named Brent
Whose cock was so long it was bent
To save him the trouble
He put it in double
So instead of coming he went
Submitted by: gj
Brewski Blueski
A brewery worker named Lee
Drowned in a vat of brewski
I regretfully say
He didn't drown right away
---He climbed out five times to wee-wee!
Submitted by: Randy Boyer
Bridge at Buckingham
A voyeur, by the name of Ruckingham
Would stand on the bridge down at Buckinham
Watching the stunts
Of the cunts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks that were fucking 'em.
Submitted by: Tetenterre
Anal sex was forbiden, to hear Betsy talk
when boyfriend tried, she would always balk
till one night she got drunk
and most of us thunk
she tried it because of her bowlegged walk
Submitted by: Randy
Poor Wally had a problem with size
to all his dates, he had to tell lies
but at the moment of truth
they expected Babe Ruth
but got Pee Wee Reese in disguise
Submitted by: Randy
Brissed Brick
A Jewish driver of a Chevy
Has a foot like lead, very heavy.
If he needed real weight
To, brisk, accelerate,
He used the brick brissed by Mohel Levy.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
Britney Spears' Brassieres
There was an old man from Algiers
Who often collected brassieres.
And so it is told
He thought they should hold
The boobies of the Britney Spears.
Submitted by: Tia
Buddy Can You Spare Me Two Minutes
Im skint and Im down on my luck,
Sweet Nadja wont give me a suck.
Ill submit a report.
If youll take my retort.
For Chrissake, come give me a fuck!
Submitted by: Dixon Prix
The Butcher & His Wife
There Once Was A Butcher Named Hutton
Who Had A Wife Who Loved To Eat Mutton
He Stepped Up Behind Her
And Pushed Her In The Grinder
No Hutton, No Mutton, No Nothin.
Submitted by: Garr Norick
Butcher from Geneva
There was a butcher from Geneva,
Who bungled a cut with his cleaver.
He missed the chopping block;
Chopped off's his missing cock,
But docs fashioned an ersatz beaver.
Submitted by: John A. Barry
A Butcher named Hank
There once was a butcher named Hank
that all of the women would thank
while preparing their meat
he would give them a seat
on the tip of his all-beef frank
Submitted by: Bird-Man
Buttered Putter
The randy golfer's heard to mutter
To his caddy, "Please shove the putter
Right up my derrire;
Before you square it there,
Please lubricate it with some butter!"
Submitted by: John A. Barry
By the Gallon
There once was an old man named Alan,
Who hung out with a younger pal, an
In sucking hed wallow
Until he would swallow
The young hung studs spunk by the gallon.
Submitted by: John A. Barry

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