Big man with bad hygene emitting toxic fumes
Drives half-dressed men shrieking out of the locker room.
He seems unaware of just how badly he smells.
A stench you'd encounter down in the bowels of Hell.

Folks fear to approach him; rumor is he's quite nuts.
His own boss won't coach him. He doesn't have the guts.
Seems I've elected to have a talk with him.
Will it be effective? Chances are pretty slim.

Don't stand,
Don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me!
(Repeat)

We go to my office to have a heart to heart.
His reek's so intense that my eyes begin to smart.
Room's reeling, paint's peeling, I start to gag and cough.
Afraid I've hurt his feelings, or worse yet pissed him off.

(Chorus)