Stand in the place where you shit,
Now face North.
Think about defecation,
wonder why you haven't before.
Stand in the place where you poop,
now face West.
Think about the place where you live,
wonder why you left the lid up.

If you are confused check on your bum,
carry some Ex-Lax to help you along.
Your pants are going to be on the ground,
your ass is there for when you sit down.

Sit in the place where you go
Now face North
Think about relaxing
Wonder why your sphincter is sore
Now sit on the toilet below
Now face west
Think about today's paper
Wonder why you haven't read it

Your pants are going to be on the ground
The seat is up so you will fall down
In bushes and trees, the bears would be going
Ground would be yellow
If it was snowing

So stand (stand)
Now face left
Think about squeezing Charmin
Wonder why you haven't before
Now sit (sit)
Now face right
Think about the air freshener
Wonder if it's plugged in

In bushes and trees, the bears would be going
Ground would be yellow
If it was snowing
Your toilet tissue will be on the ground
Stuck to your shoe, you drag it around

So stand (stand)
Now face North
Think about defecation
Wonder why you haven't
Now sit (sit)
Now face west
Think about cleaning behind toilets
Wonder why you haven't

Stand in the place where you fart (now face north)
Sit in the place where you fart (now face west)
Your pants are going to be on the ground (shit in the place where you fart)
Your ass is there for when you sit down

So sit (sit)