All my ex’es are infected
And infection is a place you don’t wanna be
Yes all my ex’es are infected
That’s why I wash my shorts in kerosene

Susanna’s whoring in Texarkana
Spreading those STD’s
And Billie Jean’s in College Station
Where she gave the syphilis to me

And Allison in Galveston
Is passing on the herpes
That I then gave to Eve in Temple
Now she’s got the law looking for me

all my ex’es are infected
But I didn’t know then/I would’ve worn a condom you see
Yes all my ex’es are infected
That’s why I wash my shorts in kerosene

I remember the Guadalupe River
Where I used to swim
I lay down on the banks with Tina
And she begged me to put it in
What I didn’t know from my innocence
Is that she’d been passed around
I didn’t know such danger could emerge
From that plump moist mound

All my ex’es are infected
The doctors are amazed at the strains they see
Yes all my ex’es are infected
That’s why I wash my shorts in kerosene

Some folks think I’m hidin’
It’s been rumored that I died
But I’m alive and well
I just stink of kerosene!