"I got stopped up today, on pizza and beer
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours, sittin on the shelf
And I finally took a dump
And I thought of all the won bok
And the vegies we went through
And how I had beef and you had stew
What are those capsules inside your cupboard door
Make us throw off our continence
And want for nothing more ?

I'm learning to live with enemas
But it's sloppy sometimes
The more I go, the less I have to stand
Everytime I get back up and wipe, I have to go again!
I've been tryin' to get down
To a fart on a platter
But my BVD's rip
And dung seems to splatter
But I think it's about a big shit
A big shit
Even if, even if the paper falls into the bowl

These times are so uncertain
There's a burning underneath
People filled with bulk
We all need a little chlorophyl
How can life sustain in such a pasty hulk?
The cost and self-abasement that lead to happiness
They're all I really have, I guess
Pride and dignity
Cannot fill this empty bowl
And the water up inside me
Has made me lose control

I'm learning to live without ex-lax
But it hurts me sometimes
The more I go, the less I have to stand
Everytime I get back up and wipe, I have to go again!
I've been tryin' to get down
To a fart on a platter
But my BVD's rip
And dung seems to splatter
But I think it's about a big shit
A big shit
Even if, even if the paper falls into the bowl

There are people in your life who've bought you lunch
They filled you up and hurt your side
Better put you on a diet, just a hunch
You keep drinkin' all that coffee, it'll eat you up inside

I've been tryin' to get down
To a fart on a platter
But my grip gets weak
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about a big shit
A big shit
Even if, even if the paper falls in

I've been tryin' to get down
To a fart on a platter
Because the flesh will get weak
And their asses will tatter
But I think it's about a big shit
A big shit
Even if, even if the paper falls inà
"