Sitting on the toi-let. Eyeing nasty porn with bad intentions.

Lubing up with K.Y. Sticky pages,trying to unfurl.
Hey! I cant cum!

Sweat forming on my bum. Smoke a joint to put me in the mood.
Aw...I cant cum!

Damn- my balls are swollen. I never noticed till they hit me in the colon
Shit! I cant cum!


Some guy's I'm told, never seem to have this problem,
but I've been this way since I was thirty three.
I pull and I stroke, even tried to use Viagra,
but I just cant produce my 10'cc's.

Feeling my bone, never felt so goddamn painful,
'cept for the time I thought I had V.D.
Lack o' spunk my friend's is the basis of my problem,
my poor old schlong is only good for pee.


I can still remember Miss December's furry "V",
I mashed my groin into tenderloin it was bigger than a tree.
And the snatch I taste with my last breath- the deep muff diver's crown. and the paste it flowed like maddness from my thing.

Dick's hurt'in bad, as I scan my stack of skin mag's,
taking care to lock the door this time.
I stroke and I poke, as I bend to pet the dog's end,
I aint in France, so I know it's still a crime.

As for all my friend's, they pondered for a decade,
just who to fuck, either Ginger or Mary-Ann.
Larry Flint's a god, and Guiccione's a phrophet,
but I did all my praying in the can.

De-De-De
De-De-De-De-De-De
De-De-De-De-De
De-De-De-De-De

I cant cum again, without the aid of "Lassie"
but she passed away in 1993.


Parked beside the ken-nels, eyeing sexy dog's with bad intentions

Yanking on my "milkbone", hope the cop's will leave us both alone
Shit! I cant cum!

Hey! There goes a rabbit. Dont look now I think I'm gonna grab it
Aw...I cant cum!

What the hell, it's livestock. I'll try anything to jump-start my cock.
Hey! I cant cum.