"(knock knock knock}
Shaggy are you in there?
Uh, I'm busy right now.
(door opens)Oh my god!
awwwwwww!

Oooohhhh no!
Mommy came in and she caught me one handed.
Dreamin' about the girl next door.
Picture this I was lookin' at Playboy smearin up my bedroom floor.
How could I get caught while I was picking up a pound of beef?
All this time she was standing there unpolishing my good friend Lee.

When you're a young man you need a little thriller.
Keep a dirty magazine underneath your pillow.
You never admit when you tenderize your steaks.
Or when you've been wrestling with the one eyed snake.

A box of kleenex on the counter. (I was in heat)
A tube of lotion on the sofa. (To beat my meat)
I could hear my breathing getting louder. (I was in heat)
All of a sudden it was over!

Mommy came in and she caught me one handed.
Lookin' for the unicorn. (mom geez!)
Picture this, I had roped that pony, I had him in a tug of war.
How could I be casual when the General salutes my feat?
And the Bishop he was standing there shivering from lack of heat.

Can you tell that I'm embarrassed for the shame that I've caused?
My purple headed warrior will have to be washed.

When you start to stimulate your little fellow,
You jack that fat like a full feathered pillow.
You'll never get a fine woman, ain't no way.
But you can play choke it with the chicken all day.

Mommy came in and she caught me one handed, dreamin about the girl next door.
Picture this I was looking at Playboy, smearin' up my bed-room floor.
How could I get caught while I was picking up a pound of beef?
All this time she was standing there unpolishing my good friend Lee.

(hard breathing at the end)"