So, you think you might be a homo,
kissed a girl at the picture-show.
Dump the schlong way, Joan,
Dump the schlong way, Joan.

Cus, you like the chick's in your neighborhood,
should you care that they cant get wood.
Dump the schlong way, Joan
Dump the schlong way, Joan

There's the time that you bought a pair of Birkenstock's,
claimed that they helped you walk. Oh- right. Sure.
Then you got your hair chopped really short,
now you're wearing baggy short's. You used to dress so nice.

Your lonley day's are spent with diesel dyke's,
you like the same things that "Rosie" like's.
Ditch the schlong way, Joan,
Ditch the schlong way, Joan.

Then you told your friend's your taking testosterone,
wern't hapy with your own hormone's,
when your man seems to think that your losing your sanity,
all your vanity, there can be no doubt.

Does it feel like your life's become a "cuntastrophe"?
oh, it had to be, for you to go "boy".
when you look at the queers, and see what you could have been,
oh- your in-between.
You need to grow a spine.

When the time comes to ball Hugh Downs,
you'll say "Shit! I'd rather drown!"
Dump the schlong way Joan,
Dump the schlong way, Joan.

Schlong way Joan....
Schlong way Joan...