I live my life up in Bradford
in a Premier Inn
because the last one was so ill

I get me some computer time
opening up a few joints of shit
because i been partying until 7pm

I live my eyes until I'm 8
throwing fits like Hallie Berry
I axe my dream like Adolf Hitler more like Adobe Flash Player
so I live my dreams in 1894
people are mad in where I were, dreaming of lifes back in Leeds

Goodnight, i'm a British porn star
I had my first porno debut
back in September 2001
when I was just a 22-yr-old fit bird
There is blondes up in Bradford, I get stoned up in Leeds

So I thought it weren't in me

I eat my eyes and gulp my bulls Heaven knows i'm miserable now I just sing some Morrissey/Marr
Just don't binge like I used to do I think it'll draft my Yes obsession
tonight, i'm a frickin' porn star

I am masturbating in HMV, then I do the same thing in Argos
next time

I got busted for smoking my Argos card
there used to be Virgin Records
Just dream of me and my HMV

I thought I spiralled out of HMV to go to Bradford next week
I just bring it in down in my Beeb
Haven't I heard about my masturbating
I just found it 5 weeks later
I ate my shit at BP Connect
then stopped off for a shit

I please Johnny Cash to fuck me up
'Ring Of Fire' is in my ears
tonight, i'm a british porn star

Tonight, i'm a British porn star

Just because I dream of me
Hoppin' I hitchhike tonight as a joke

is that HMV
is that HMV
is that HMV
is that HMV