Tell us a story about Nicole and Candida
don't ask me how they're fucked each other
where they're free, between 8pm and now look at them, reading NME
tell me something I just can't do
Oh yeah, the shit goes on
telling Nicole how old she is
Oh yeah, the ship runs in
tomorrow I say, where's Candida
Tell me to open Nicole's door
she's Mancunian, so don't U guys know
where is the pool that Keith Moon swam
oh, that Rolls Royce isn't great at all

Oh yeah, the shit goes on
telling me how are you today again
oh, i'm angry about it now
staying with Candida at hers tonight
Oh yeah, my life is shit
was this there in 1942

Dear ol' lord
look at Candida
she's dyed her hair brunette
now I just wanna fuck her in the bum
No sassy phrases like 'want a chip'
tell me how is Nicole
she's a blonde Mancunian
oh yes

Wasn't it great like Terry Wogan he wasn't there about to sing 'Jeremy'
in the house, when I saw Candida
I saw her, real butt naked

Oh yeah, and I fucked her twice don't go so high around me now Oh yeah, I'll like to know
not greatest bits, I'll ever seen
Oh yeah, and my pants are off
in these rooms, I gunned her down

Tell me about myself and Candida
she was hot as hell like Bobby Gilespie
that dude off Primal Scream
he was in the background, narrating our piles of shite