Johnny's Buddy was going bar hoppin'
When he was 18 years old
He told his parents that he'd be out late
He had a car pool
His dad thought that his kid was mild
Said that would just be fine
So they knew where they wanted to go
A strip club, but they found a guy's behind

And Johnny said
"Take Jenny Johnson, take Tammy Thompson, take some lesbo"
Take any girl that you want to, but that guy has to go
Take me to any bar in the world
Buddy, please don't fake the girls

Same old boys, same no girls, ten years down the road
They held ID's, and slipped themselves in
Found a porno show
Stranger told them about this one
Three girls down on the farm
Said: "There might be some gay men too, so just be alarmed"

And Johnny said...
"I used my money, my whole wallet, maxed out my credit cards"
I took the advice that you gave me
But now I am mentally scared
And it made me hurl
Dude please don't fake the girls

Same old boys, still no girls, five years down the road
They're gonna have a little fun, and he
Said there's a place I know
Stoner says the ladies are fine
And we won't have to grieve
Cause hot mammas are dating fast
And hopefully no fairies

And there they prayed
"Take the virginity that you gave me, Take the shirt off her chest"
I'd gladly take her kids if you'll let me
I'd finally finish my quest
Take the men out of the world
God please don't fake this girl

Johnny's Buddy was going bar hoppin
He was 18 years old