In the dark, she doesn't seem to mind
until it's my chest hairs that her fingers find
When I take my shirt off she gasps
Then runs away
When I tell her “let's lose these clothes,”
What does she say?

Oh gross, shave it all now, you're too hairy
Oh yuck, grab the clippers, you're too hairy
It's gross!

I try so hard not to get upset
When she compares me to shag carpet
Oh, she tells me hair is something to hide
And something to shave
So I try so hard to shave my outsides
So I will be, bare

Oh gross, shave it all now, you're too hairy
Oh yuck, grab the clippers, you're too hairy
Come on, it's time to wax now, you're too hairy
It's gross!

She wants me
But only if I get trimmed
She wants me
If I will shave my backside

Oh gross, it's got to go now, you're too hairy
Time for, the epilady, you're too hairy
You look, like a bear now, you're too hairy
Come on, I've got to wax you, you're too hairy

Oh come on, darling, you'll look like Michael Phelps
Oh no, you're too hairy
She says, “It's gross!” She says, “It's gross!”
Oh God can't you, shave it all!
You're too hairy
Oh yuck, you're too hairY