"Dancing in a local night club, last friday night
I was checking out this bit of skirt and, she looked a bit of alright
I saddled up beside her and thought now this looks weird
Coz as she turned around to face me, she had a f@#king beard
And I thought

Nice-one terrific blinding, well thatĘs the way it goes now baby
So I'll get just one more pint in, I thought I had it made
But I can't get laid

Walking with some bird on Wednesday, home from the pub
Then she pushed me into a doorway and gave my bollocks a rub
I said d'ya wanna come to place, I live down that road
And I was just about to get her tits out, then I shot my load
And I thought

Nice-one terrific blinding, well thatĘs the way it goes now baby
So I'll get just one more pint in, I thought I had it made
But I can't get laid

Instrumental

Nice-one terrific blinding, well thatĘs the way it goes now baby
So I'll get just one more pint in, I thought I had it made
But I can't get laid

Nice-one terrific blinding, well that's the way it goes now baby
So I'll get just one more pint in, I thought I had it made
But I can't get laid
"