Song Parodies -> I've Cum Everywhere
"I've Been Everywhere" Based on the performance by Johnny Cash
"I've Cum Everywhere" Parody by Captain Bootylicious
I was drinkin' some Jack, my parched throat feelin' that sharp whiskey flow
When up came some drunk college kids, lookin' me up and down real slow
"Hey old man, you're lookin' pathetic, way ancient, past your prime."
So I sat up in my park bench and looked them all straight in the eye.
They snickered, said, "Who'd screw him? Bet his sex life's pretty bland."
And I said, "Listen, brats, I've blown my load all across this land."

(Chorus)
I've cum everywhere, man
I've cum everywhere, man
Screwed and whacked my share, man
A thousand chicks, I swear, man
Let me tell you when and where, man
I've cum everywhere.

I've cum on ski tows, tidal flows, movie shows, 3-foot snow,
Frying pans, old sedans, beer cans, French chateau,
Bathroom stalls, shopping malls, on the street when I'm alone-a,
Boneyards, a St. Bernard, done a chick who's in a coma,
Seedy whores, revolving door, church service - back pew,
Times Square, barber's chair, defiled a rancid gym shoe.

(Chorus)
I've cum everywhere, man
I've cum everywhere, man
Screwed and whacked my share, man
A thousand chicks, I swear, man
Let me tell you when and where, man
I've cum everywhere.

I've cum in bathtubs, Navy subs, boxwood shrubs, on trapeze,
Starbucks, Mack trucks, bronco bucks, on Christmas trees,
Sleeping bags, ugly hags, a couple fags, on trampoline,
Horse and sleigh, Safeway, Eiffel Tower made me cream,
Rooftop, butcher shop, female cop, at the zoo,
Jail cell, cheap motel, one time drunk in turkey stew.

(Chorus)
I've cum everywhere, man
I've cum everywhere, man
Screwed and whacked my share, man
A thousand chicks, I swear, man
Let me tell you when and where, man
I've cum everywhere.

I've cum in porno stores, secret drawers, closet floors, chest freezers,
Classrooms, creepy tombs, pimp costume, tight old geezers,
Corn fields, panty shields, Ferris wheels, a buffed ex-con,
Jumbo jets, hockey nets, Barbie's 'vette, the White House lawn,
Sewer holes, at Super Bowl, at air control - see what I'm sayin',
Warehouse, whorehouse, beneath the stage while Cats was playin'.

(Chorus)
I've cum everywhere, man
I've cum everywhere, man
Screwed and whacked my share, man
A thousand chicks, I swear, man
Let me tell you when and where, man
I've cum everywhere.

I've cum in pool sheds, bunk beds, fresh-baked bread, rickshaws,
Mortuary, virgin cherry, all over my girlfriends' bras,
Bingo night, 'copter flight, traffic light, construction zone,
Ship decks, my dog Rex, while I'm crappin' on the throne,
Circus tent, air duct vent, wet cement, kangaroo,
Out a window - stunned a crow, even done a dyke or two. . .

(Chorus)
I've cum everywhere, man
I've cum everywhere, man
Screwed and whacked my share, man
A thousand chicks, I swear, man
Let me tell you when and where, man
I've cum everywhere.

I've cum everywhere.
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Voting Results
Pacing: 4.9
 
How Funny: 4.9
 
Overall Rating: 4.9
 

Total Votes: 10
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User Comments Follow...

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

whoever - October 25, 2008 - Report this comment
oh my .... tears
BobbyJoe - November 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Awesome!
Andrew Woodard - November 02, 2008 - Report this comment
I"ll always check my shoes when I put them on at the gym... and steer clear of turkey stew! oh and.... poor crow!! You continue to slay me. Keep up the fantastic work!
Captain Bootylicious - November 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys!
Red Ant - November 07, 2008 - Report this comment
This was awesome, CB. 555
Captain Bootylicious - November 10, 2008 - Report this comment
LOL!
MIKE - January 23, 2022 - Report this comment
YEAH
MIKE - September 06, 2022 - Report this comment
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
mike - January 01, 2024 - Report this comment
woo
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - February 10, 2024 - Report this comment
FIRE GEAR
SWIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM TEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM JACKETSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - March 01, 2024 - Report this comment
YO DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL

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