Ooh, my small member is just eleven,
Millimetres long. Yes I know-a-small shlong. I showed my mum and she fainted-
Kersplato!
Ten beers caused gas. I'm still hunting for lasses.
But my lame old thong just contains my bum. No other merchandise.

I piss okay, but it's just not the same.
When my tool is so scantily attached: Ken dolls now cause envy.
In a place that is so bald. Just a digit-lacking fold.
And I hate:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop laughing at my erection.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Barely valid for detection.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop belittling my pride and joy that died,
Way back in nineteen ninety five.
Let me deny that I'm an impotent guy.

Back in December, was glued to Jim Beam.
The kids at school laughed at my tool. So what, my pants won't cream?
Tried jerking my shaft, with grunting and gasps.
But my shameful shlong won't raise any longer. What a pitiful sight.

I miss the day, a shower without shame.
My dick's lost in gigantic seas of prepuce, skin and infamy.
I can't show my face in Coles. Jealous of their long, creamed rolls.
And I hate:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop laughing at my erection!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
It needs surgical correction.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop belittling my pride and joy that died,
Way back in nineteen ninety five.
Let me deny that I'm an impotent guy.

There is nothing under foreskin.
Would have thought at least FOUR INCHES!
Females can't look inside my thigh.
Recreation? Joined a castrati choir.

*Piano riff*
An impotent guy.

Just yesterday I gave it a wave.
I swear it tried to raise for me, but Viagra is useless you see.
I suppose I can be told, that it's whimsical and droll.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop laughing at my erection.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Too small to put on 'protection'.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha!
Stop belittling my pride and joy that died,
Way back in nineteen ninety five.
Let me deny that I'm an impotent guy.

*Chorus fades out*